Day 5: July 2, 2009

A noticeable delay regarding the timeliness of this post, I know.  The long weekend took me to Forest Fair at Girdwood, which is the sort of event and place that would make Peter Pan jealous.  Time and sensibilities warp there like wet wood under prolonged stress. Luckily, I survived.

Peter Panties and Girdwood-ish

The day of my departure was paltry on the coin front. I just barely staved off being skunked completely by finding a penny in the road near my driveway.  Like many of its bretheren I have gathered, it’s nearly indistinguishable due to the white growth smothering it. Abe doesn’t deserve this. He’d most likely be pissed.

“My country’s greatest president didnt die face down in the muck…”

/Lebowski’d

Today’s Total: $0.01

Running Total: $0.71

Purchase Power: Becuase maybe you drank too much that night, Jewels and a buck down unda’

Day 4: July 1, 2009

I am totally exhausted from my travels today, and as a result wish to keep this brief. My bed is beckoning me, and with the weekend approaching I fear I must get things done before I crash and burn in alcohol-fueled glory in celebration of  American independence.

I love America. Woof.

How better to honor or ancestors than drink profusely and court maidens? Enough about that, on the the matter at hand…

Today was a good day, as it seemed there was change at nearly every stop.  32 cents total, but it consists of seven pennies and a quarter.

Every coin except the Nebraska quarter looks like it has eczema….you dirty-ass pennies, you.

Todays Total: $0.32

Running Total: $0.70

Purchase Power: Some Mac ‘N’ Cheese, From China w/ Lead, some Limey candy

Day 3: June 30th, 2009

Another day in the books and I’m a little bit richer.  Much like yesterday, not much was found…just a lonesome penny.

Old Abe's power animal?

I spotted Abe having lunch by himself along the curb on Maho street on the southside of town.  He didn’t look so good, so I kicked over with confidence. He looked like he could use a friend.

For only being six years of age this penny is in tough shape.  I’m reasonably sure he’s viewed by his peers as the Nikki Sixx or Keith Richards of the monetary clique.  They probably love partying with him, but know he’s a mess and avoid ever taking him anywhere.

Despite his looks, I’m takin him home.

Today’s Total: $0.01

Running Total: $0.38

Purchase Power: Two small Peppermint Patties, Imitation Bumper Plugs, two packs of salty deliciousness

Day 2: June 29th, 2009

A rather grim total today; just a mere cent was found.  One penny.

Y2K would've been cool as shit

This is no regular penny though; it has very special qualities about it.  There is an an energy about it that fuels me with wonder and amazement. Further inspection led me to the source of its mystical properties.

This penny is from the year 2000…making it a Willenium penny. Fuck yeah, I’m serious. It’s a Willenium penny which makes it valuable, sexy, and nostalgic while still managing to be trendy.

The Willenium penny was hiding in the pantry behind the dog food…no doubt waiting for a Quaid-Nickel to fly his plane into the mothership.

Sadly, the treasury doesn’t recognize the value of this relic, so it goes in the books as just a penny. The gov’t just don’t understand.

Today’s Total: $0.01

Running Total: $0.37

Purchase Power: An outdated stamp, a Willie Mays card, a delicious dinner.

Day 1: June 28, 2009

A decent haul today, for sure. My initial travels took me throughout my home and to the top of a small mountain.

A subtle nod from the Heavens

There was little time wasted today before my net worth increased. My natural ability and skill immediately went to work after rousing from bed.  As I emerged from my quarters, I came upon two visitors who had spent the evening on our couches. They appeared to be lovers, and if my memory serves me correct, they weren’t strangers either. The young man and woman, I believe, were comrades of my roommate Chris.

The love between the two had overcome the distance (roughly 5 feet) between the two couches, and managed to push the two together, face-to-face, and engineered a cocoon-like makeshift bed.

Where one couch had stood lay $0.26…one quarter and a penny a few inches away. SUCCESS! My first discovery, and under a minute no less.  Fittingly the quarter commemorates the state of Massachusetts, and is adorned with a ‘Minuteman’ on the backside.

The gods are surely smiling…this was anything but coin-incidence.

Later, in the evening, I found a dime stuck to the floor by the washing machine downstairs.  Firmly trapped in beer that was surely a byproduct of beer pong, I broke it free, and smiled.

Not a bad start I’d say.

Today’s total: $0.36

Running Total: $0.36

Purchase Power: Three (3) Mini Reeses Peanut Butter cups, a phone call, one day of medicine.

Preparations

Consider the kinks worked out and the wrinkles thoroughly ironed.  The journey has begun, and regardless of what adversaries or ill-feelings should befall me, there is no turning back now.  I am committed. All that is man is me, and all that is unclaimed change will be mine.

Yesterday was spent physically and mentally preparing for my quests.  I climbed a mountain; all 2,946 feet of it.  The view from the top was just what I needed, as I had been lacking inspiration to solve my problems when considering what gear I will need.  The gear is a pivotal choice. After all,  I will be foraging for change the rest of my life…this stuff must not be burdensome, and it must serve a purpose and endure.

The following is my equipment list:

1) pockets

The pockets are where I will deposit and carry my change following its discovery.  Until I can get back to headquarters, it will serve me well, I believe. Initially I was considering a fanny pack or coin purse.  Nah.

I was also considering a pad and paper to record locations and details surrounding the booty I find. I decided that this was too cumbersome, and my brain should do the trick. It’s powerful enough to do the trick. Taming the fucker is the only measure.

To prepare myself I meditated last night for 36 minutes after a shrimp dinner. I knew I was ready.

Moneybags

All my life I’ve known that I’m destined to be rich as piss one day. My childish dreams began to become reality when I spent a week at a summer camp in 3rd grade. I won a free week there for receiving 1st place in an essay contest in which the topic was “Why I will be drug free.”

My dead prez twankle and glisten!

Three days later at the ripe age of 9 I was smokin’ a doob with Carl and Vanessa, counselors and adolescent lovers. Cool.

During my time there I learned more than how to twist a ‘J’ and more than what french kissing looks like. I learned that I have a talent for finding change. On the ground.

By the end of the week everyone was calling me Moneybags, and my fanny pack was overflowing with coin.  The copper of the pennies calmed me, the glint of sunlight off of Jefferson enticed me to keep mine eyes fixed below.  Roosevelt was there too and refused to make eye contact with me…always gazing to the west, where there must certainly be quarters adorned by Senor Washington.

I left that camp as a 9-year-old $30,000 millionaire.  I mean, I was ballin’. I had come into my own.

Being the greatest finder of moneys in the universe, and employing an ancient Korinian technique of alloy detection, I reckon it is time to record my exploits.  With this decision comes danger. It was not easy for me to arrive at this end.  The vitriol and jealousy will certainly make effort to overwhelm me worse than Letterman at a Palin family reunion.

Nonetheless, from here on out a log will be kept detailing my daily bounty and it’s endless possibilities.  Details of the harrowing situations and my talent’s accompanying dangers will be told; nothing will be held back.

This is NOT for your entertainment, or anyone else’s for that matter. This record is for historical purposes. When the sun has set on this civilization, this record will be found tucked in the nether-reaches of cyberspace, and it will ensure my place in lore as the greatest, and the only Copper Millionaire to ever walk the Earth.